


Basically, I wish you loved me

by SamiraScamander



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Heartbreak, Love Confessions, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-07 20:42:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18880876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamiraScamander/pseuds/SamiraScamander
Summary: Hook proposed, Emma tells Henry and Regina and Regina confesses something.





	Basically, I wish you loved me

Emma and Henry sat on the bed in Henry’s room.

 

“The reason why I called you was this. I wanted to tell you, show in person.”

 

She freed her hands from the gloves she was wearing and showed him her hand.  
There was a big ring with a shining diamond on her finger. 

 

“Ma”, he just said and stared at her with wide eyes. 

 

“Hook proposed.”, she said with a big smile on her face. 

 

“What do you say?”

 

“I’m a bit speechless, Ma. I’m happy for you, but I just think that, well… you know I don’t like Hook. However, I want you to be happy and if this, if he makes you happy. Just promise me one thing: You will walk away if you start to be unhappy or if he treats you wrong, yeah? Promise me you won’t hold on to him, hold on to the love he gives you if things are wrong. Hook isn’t your only shot at love.”

 

“I promise you. I won’t be treated like that; you know I’m not like that. I can protect myself”, Emma said irritated. 

 

“Well, yes, but you used to be… different before Hook. And I hope he hasn’t changed that about you.”

 

He didn’t say “like he changed so much else about you” but they both knew that he meant it. 

 

“I promise Henry. I want you to do more stuff with him though. Please just give him another chance, will you? For me.”

 

Henry sighed, then took her hands “I will. For you.”

 

Emma smiled. “Thanks”

 

“And I’m happy for you, really. As long as you’re happy, so am I.”, Henry said and hugged her. 

 

“Oh, I forgot something. You’re the one who tells Mom.”

 

“On it, buddy.”

 

*  
*  
*  


A few minutes later, she found herself standing in the mayor’s bedroom once again. She hadn’t been inside for quite some time now. They used to have movie nights and took turns on choosing the film. They would watch all sorts of films, mostly comedies and romances. Sometimes they watched the occasional horror film if Regina was in the mood to tease her. Emma would then spend the whole film with her face buried in Regina’s shoulder.  
For some reason, they stopped having them. Now that she thought about it, she couldn’t figure out why.  
As soon as she sat down on the bed, Regina came in.

 

“Emma! Oh, what a lovely surprise. What are you doing here?”

 

“I wanted to tell you something. I told Henry first, I hope you aren’t mad. I know you aren’t Hook’s biggest fan but I hope you will be happy for me.”

 

She showed the ring to Regina too.  
Regina just stared at it for a little while.

 

“Hook proposed.”, she said with the same smile, even though she felt her joy lessen under Regina's staring.

 

“Yeah obviously he did.” 

 

Emma knew this. Regina used sarcasm all day long but she also used it as defence mechanism. Emma knew that Regina did not like this for some reason and drove her walls back up. Walls she spent years on destroying and letting her in and she won’t let Regina shut her out now.

 

“Why are you doing this? Why is this bothering you, Regina?”

 

“I’m not doing anything, Miss Swan.”

 

Emma rolls her eyes.

 

“We’re back to ‘Miss Swan’? Seriously?”

 

Emma took a step closer to Regina.

 

“Look, I know you. I really do and I know you are driving your walls back up and you’re calling me Miss Swan which means you must really dislike something. You feel uncomfortable, probably by my engagement, right? Please tell me what’s wrong. You can trust me, Gina.”

 

Emma rarely used that nickname. It was meant for special occasions when it really meant something and they were alone. 

Regina eyes grew soft at the mention of this nickname. 

 

“I-I can’t. I’m sorry.”

 

“Why can’t you?”, Emma asked. 

 

She saw the hurt in Regina’s eyes. Emma wished to know what was causing her friend so much pain, she wished to know what it was so she could ease and take the pain away. It hurt her to see her beloved friend like this, unable to help.

 

“I…”, Regina stopped, shaking her head.

 

“Maybe you’d like a cup of tea? And we can take afterwards?”, Emma tried to ease the massive, burdensome mood between them.

Regina nodded. 

 

"Two sugars, yeah?” 

 

Regina’s answer came only a few seconds later.

 

“Yes.”

 

Somehow, she managed to look even sadder now and Emma really wanted to get this tea done so she could talk to Regina.  
-  
-  
-  
Emma slowed her steps as she walked back to the bedroom. She could hear someone crying, deeply crying and she instantly knew that it was Regina.  
Suddenly she heard a voice.

 

“You gotta tell her, Mom. This isn’t good for either for you and I want you to be happy again, even if it doesn’t seem possible at the moment. We’ll find you a different happy ending. One that doesn’t involve her. “, she heard her son saying.

She desperately wanted to know what he was talking about but he didn’t elaborate further.  
What did he mean with that sentence? It seemed like Henry was talking about a woman being Regina’s happy ending or at least involving one and she was so very curious.  
She didn’t want to interrupt their conversation, so she waited outside with their teas, which were slowly getting cold.  
Luckily, fate seemed to be on her side because she heard Henry leaving the room through their connecting door.

“Hey, it’s me.”, she said, wanting to prevent frightening Regina.

Regina slowly lifted her head and looked at Emma with tear swollen eyes. 

 

“Can I sit next to you?”; Emma asked softly.

 

Regina just patted the spot next to her.

After handing her the tea, Emma begun to speak.

 

“I know you feel like you can’t talk about this but it hurts me to see you suffer like this. Please, maybe I can help you. I won’t pressure you again if you can’t but I just want to help.”

 

For a long while, Regina said nothing. After what felt like an hour, she spoke in a whisper.  
Regina used to turn the lights out, probably to convince herself to tell Emma whatever was bothering her. It's easier to say something in the protection of the night and dark and if you couldn't see the other person.

 

"I figured I had to tell you someday, but I never thought that this day would be today. I spoke with Henry earlier and I realized that I had to do this because it was in the way of our family."

 

She paused.

Emma figured that Regina would take a long time to start again so she thought she'd help out.

 

"As I was walking up the stairs I heard Henry say something about your happy ending which doesn't involve a particular woman. Wanna tell me about that? Might be easier", Emma whispered.

 

Regina took a deep breath and wiped her eyes away, Emma thought.  
(The darkness wasn't letting her see very much)

 

"I'm terribly afraid of destroying everything. I'm so scared, Emma. Because you will think differently about me if I would tell you and I can't... I couldn't handle that."

 

Regina's voice was almost as silent as the silence surrounding them.

 

"We've been through some pretty hard and intense things. I don't think there anything that you could do that would change what I think about you, Gina."

 

Regina closed her eyes and opened them again after taking three deep breaths. She took Emma's hand.

 

"I don't know how it happened, but as soon as I found out about it I could not stop. I don't know why but I could not stop thinking about you. I still can't. Somewhere along the way I feel deeply and madly in love with you and I couldn't stop it, couldn't stop any of it.  
You were my favourite person to spend time with, the only one who actually gets what I'm saying apart from Henry and you are just so good and full of life and love and it drew me to you like a moth to a flame."

"I wondered how you could be like you are with the childhood you had, how you could be this loving person while I became the evil queen and didn't deal with my feelings or pain at all and it fascinated me. All this time, I've been hopeless but then the pirate came along and I just gave up on it. I prayed that I would eventually fall out of love because while it was the most beautiful thing to ever happen to me, it was also the most painful thing."

"Being in love with you and not getting to have you, seeing that the rotten pirate got to call himself your partner, got your heart, time, affection and everything just hurt so much. It hurt even more than losing Daniel.  
I love you and I know that you don't feel the same but I guess love made me a hoping fool. Every single day I was hoping against hope that you would see that you could be happy with me too and fulfil my dreams but it never came.  
Oh Emma, I'm so very much in love, you wouldn't believe."

"I promised myself that I would let go of it, of you, of this hope but even after being separated from you for a day felt like it nearly killed me so that wasn't an option.  
I promise to try to let go, let you go after this night though."

 

"I don't know what to say... I had no idea that you felt this way. You don't have to let me go, we, we could try."

 

Regina's voice became teary and she had to restart her sentence a few times.

"Please don't. Don't give me hope. I can't handle it and after everything I got through I think I earned the right to say stop. My heart is already broken from every bad thing that has happened to me but please, Emma, you're special. Don't add to it. Don't be the one who breaks my heart because I could never recover from that. In addition to that, you just accepted a marriage proposal. This wouldn't be long, or real or anything I want it to be. I just want to be absolutely honest with you tonight, get it off my chest before I will stop tomorrow."

 

"I'm sorry that I can't give you what you want. If I could change my feelings, I would in a heartbeat. You're very important to me and you always will be. I'm just so deeply sorry for giving you false hope and causing you this much pain.", Emma whispered and caressed the back of Regina's hand with her thumb.  
"I'm listening. Start whenever you want.", Emma said.

 

"It might take a while until we'll be on normal terms again. And if I happen to find it easier to do it wouldn't being near you, would you be mad?", Regina asked while she slipped a bit closer to Emma.

 

"No, I wouldn't. If that helps you, then do it.", Emma thought 'but I’d miss you terribly' but she didn't say it, sensing that this wasn't what Regina needed to hear.

 

"Thank you."

 

After a few minutes of just staring in the darkness and thinking about what Regina just confessed, she began to speak again.

 

"I wanted to be your favourite person, I wanted to be the one you trust in everything, I wanted to be wanted by you. I wished that my eyes were your favourite colour and that my smile was your favourite smile, that the way I dressed was your favourite kind of style. I wished that you wouldn’t know me so well to be able to tell when I was lying and when I was telling the truth and at the same time I wanted to tell you things about me which no one knew so I could say 'yes, Emma swan is the person who knows me the best'."

"I wished that I could take you on cute, romantic, silly, serious dates, all kinds just to spend time with you in a way I would like to. “  
I wished that I was the last thing on your mind before you fell asleep, that you knew that I actually take my tea with three sugars and not two.”

“Basically, I wished that you would love me.”

“And I wished that we could try it out, to be something more. But if I can be your best friend, that's better than nothing and I’ll happily take it even if it crushes me."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize.I knew this wasn't going to be my happy endig, it's fine. Well, no, it's not right now but it will be. I am going to be okay again. We're going to be okay again." 

 

"I'll help you find your happy ending if you want. I want you to be happy, Regina."

 

"I think I would like that."

 

"Can I hug you?"

 

"Of course, Emma."

 

Emma closed the distance between them and hugged. Regina isn't her partner in a romantic way but in many other ways and Emma thought that she was glad to be able to keep Regina in her life, one way or the other.


End file.
